Soft Swap Rules

Ahh rules! Our attempt to bring order to a chaotic life. One of the first questions asked by those who are new to swapping is what rules should we put in place.

In a word NOTHING!

That word nothing may disturb you but let me explain. You are engaging in sexual activities. It's easy to get carried away or blur a line. Frequently, no matter how much you've talked about it, something will happen you didn't discuss. Feelings get hurt or jealousy rears its ugly head.

Frankly, the more rigid the rule set the MORE LIKELY that is to happen. Just the opposite of what you'd expect right!

The best solution is to discuss expectations and to always be honest with your partner. If things go a little further than you expected, tell your partner. Don't leave it for them to find out when someone has an inadvertent slip of the tongue. As a partner you have to be prepared for a little creative license. Things are going to happen. You may not like them but you need to be understanding that in the heat of the moment whatever happens just doesn't seem all that bad. It's usually only after that we realize we've f***ed up. Be forgiving and understanding.

If you absolutely feel you need a rigid set of rules to guide every possible contingency you're probably doing the wrong thing in swinging whether soft or hard. You don't belong. Swingers as a rule will run away from anyone that starts to display anger or jealousy or has a detailed set of rules. They should respect any simple rules you have but don't expect someone to memorize your 50 page documented set of rules. They'll just walk away from you.

While we're on the subject make sure your intended partners understand UP FRONT whatever rules you do feel the need for. They aren't mind readers, nor are they responsible for violating anything you haven't expressed in advance.

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